Living a Fantasy

I haven't used this blog in quite some time - I've been blogging with my wife here. However, I was recently inspired by a friend's post of a list of her top ten fictional characters she would like to meet someday, and decided to have a go. As an enthusiast of sic-fi and fantasy in both literature and television, my imagination had a LOT of fun with this one. So, may the adventure begin.

10. Doctor Who - the David Tennant version, NOT Matt Smith. I can't stand his bulbous looking chin.

9. Arthur Dent, from "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." Seriously. One of the funniest books I've ever read.

8. Optimus Prime. Yeah I know, the Transformer movies have been... lacking, but that doesn't change the fact that Optimus is one freaking cool kick-ass robot. 

7. Robert Langdon, from "The Da Vinci Code." But only so I could punch him the face for wasting my time reading about him in that terrible book.

6. Lord Mhoram, from "The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever." For anyone unfamiliar with the series, the main character Thomas Covenant is a thoroughly unpleasant main character and protagonist, and not someone whose company I would likely enjoy. However, his friend Lord Mhoram is very wise and kind-hearted, and I think spending an hour with him would likely be inspiring. Plus he sometimes sees the future, so, duh.

5. Ender Wiggin. Recently adapted into film, Ender is the main character of the book "Ender's Game" and four follow up books by Orson Scott Card. Actually, not only would I love to meet Ender, but I'd also want him to Speak at my funeral. Yeah, just read the books.

4. Admiral Adama, the unflappable commander of the Battlestar Galactica. Actually, I'd love to meet the whole flipping crew of the Galactica, but if I had to pick one, I'd pick Adama. Cause, he's just awesome. 

3. Malcom Reynolds, captain of the ship Serenity, star of one of my all-time favorite shows, "Firefly." Honestly, I'd rather just join the crew of the Serenity, but I could settle for meeting Mal. 

2. Han Solo. Need I say more? 

1. And finally, Coach Taylor, from "Friday Night Lights." Because "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose." 

Happy Holidays

I don't normally write holiday themed posts, but I've had some things tugging at my heart lately that I wanted to put down in writing. Christmas feels different this year for some reason. It feels… tired. I feel sad about a number of things, but also at peace. I am at peace because I feel as though on a personal level I am coming through a short but very trying period of life. The birth of my daughter so soon after the birth of my son brought with it a lot of stress on my family and marriage. My job situation has changed several times in the last year. These added stressors have been good for us though, because I believe it has and still is bringing to light some of our ugliness that we normally can't see, and we are dealing with it one step at a time. I feel closer to my wife and more proud to raise a family with her than I ever have before. That's not to say that we will be on easy street from here on out - ha! But these are not the things that make me sad, they bring me my deepest joy and fullest peace.



There seems to be an awful lot of offense taking going on lately. With all of the scandals and conflicts that have been blowing up in the media lately, everyone has an opinion about what's right, what's ok to say and not ok to say, how to say it, what to do about it, and who to punish. Sadly, I've seen many fellow Christians right in the thick of it all - Christians name-calling, judging, scoffing, mocking, accusing, bullying, and abusing all in the name of standing up for their faith. Now, I know that these people do not necessarily make up the majority of Christians around the world, but let's face it, they shout the loudest, and the world listens. However, rather than stir the pot about any of the most current issues and controversies, I'd like to dig into something a little less inflammatory but which nevertheless I think sums up nicely an attitude that I find to be entirely un-Christlike. The attitude I am talking about is the reaction to a simple phrase - "Happy Holidays."



I'll be blunt - sometimes I think Christians get more offended when someone wishes them "Happy Holidays" than non-Christians do when wished a "Merry Christmas." We get all huffy because apparently the rest of the world wants to take Christ out of Christmas, and by eliminating the words "Merry Christmas" from everyone's vocabulary they have accomplished just that. First of all, no, just no. There is not a single person, people group, religion, government, or alien invasion force that could ever take Christ out of Christmas. Our faith is our own, and no one can take that, no one can take God away from us, and no one can change what Jesus did for us. He is unchangeable - that's why He is God.



This is a silly issue, I know. It's the mindset behind it that I am targeting though. We think that we are being noble as we put "Christ back in Christmas" when we wish a random stranger a "Merry Christmas," but what we are really doing is avoiding an opportunity to have a actual conversation with a fellow human who has a life separate from our own and beliefs thats have developed in a different way than our own. Now, I understand the mindset that by saying "Merry Christmas" we are proclaiming our faith and witnessing to someone in the shortest amount of time possible, and I get that sometimes there simply isn't the time for anything more than that. I get that. But that's not what those words actually mean. What it means when we say "Merry Christmas" is literally "have a happy celebration of the holiday of Christmas." Why would you say that to someone who doesn't actually celebrate Christmas? If someone walked up to me and wished me a happy Eid Al-Adha (a Muslim holiday), I would be well, confused, first, but also a little irritated at the assumption that I actually celebrated that holiday.



It's probably not really that big of a deal. But I've seen people make a HUGE deal out of it. I've seen people get literally angry when they hear the phrase "Happy Holidays." Reacting that way is not Christ-like. It's not taking into consideration that there are actually a lot of people out there who haven't had the same upbringing and life circumstances as our own. Wishing them a "Merry Christmas" is not going to switch on a magic light bulb in their heads and bring them into a life with Christ. Being sensitive, kind, and loving might though. It might change the world. So Happy Holidays, and if you celebrate the birth of Christ, Merry Christmas as well.

Some News

This post will be one of those things that I rarely do when I blog - it's about some family news. I have decided to step back from self-employment for the time being, and return to the company I worked for for years (Mervin Zimmerman, Inc.) It has not been an easy decision; I've struggled with feeling like I failed in this venture, like it may have been a mistake. Failure is not an easy feeling to swallow. However, I do believe with conviction that this is the best thing I can do for my family, and Jill's tremendous support through this process has been a stalwart lighthouse in what could have been dreary weather. I'm not going to take the time to explain the nitty gritty details of why it came to this - feel free to ask me in person if you really want to know. Suffice it to say that the future of the business was uncertain, and I felt that I could not put my family at risk. Overall, I am happy to be back at a job where I already have good relationships and am confident in what I am doing. My stress level is down, my hours are up, and I get to come home every day to an amazing family. God is, still, good.

Hate Crime

I've been hearing a lot of chatter lately about how the media hypes up white on black/hispanic hate crimes. I've been hearing a lot of complaining about how unfair that is. It's probably even true. However, when I think about the history of this country, about our noble unassailable forefathers who used human beings as pieces of property, I cringe. I tremble when I think about how the white man has treated those of a different color of skin. I wince when I look at our country now, still in large part dominated by the white, man.

No, the media coverage is probably not always fair. I guess that bothers me. But still, when I look deep inside my heart, there are some ugly truths lingering there. Like my instinct to lock my vehicle's doors when a black or hispanic man walks by. Like my irritation when someone doesn't speak in "proper" english. Like my desire to move out of the city into the suburbs where it's safer, and white. Sometimes, I think when I get so offended by racism and bigotry, it's because secretly in the darkest parts of my conscience, there's a little bigot screaming to be let loose.

This world needs redemption. I don't think what I struggle with is any less than what most people struggle with, regardless of race. We struggle to see the humanity in each other because all we care about is ourselves. The only people we ever let close are the ones we can understand, the people who are most like us in color, speech, and behavior.

Jesus came to teach us how to love the whole world. This is my desire. To see, and teach others to see beyond color, dress, even sex. To love, and share the knowledge of that love. Always hate is knocking at the door. It is a hungry beast, and cannot be satisfied. It must be slain.

Turning 30

I had at one point intended to write a long, thoughtful, inspiring blog about the my latest milestone, turning thirty. Something seems to have caught my tongue.

I am thirty years old. I am ok with that. I am a husband, father, small business owner (I am the toilet man), music lover, drummer, scifi and fantasy lover, gamer, camping enthusiast, and a backslidden runner. I hate politics, but have some decidedly liberal leanings (much to the chagrin of... some). I love God, imperfectly but completely. I am a Christian.

I love my wife, more than life. I love my son, he is my life. I already love his soon-to-be-born sister equally. I love coming home to my amazing family every day.

Although it hasn't always been rosy, this life is good. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

A culture of stuff

What is it about the very wealthy that makes those of us who have little so angry? The noble, self-righteous part of myself believes that it is all the suffering and poverty in the world that turns my stomach sour against the wealthy. The world would be a much different place if the one percent would loosen their grip on the world's resources. Hunger could be eliminated, starvation made a thing of the past. Clothing and shelter could be provided for those with none, with healthcare provided for all who have need. Yes, so many problems could be solved if the rich would just let some of the rest of us get a taste...

There was a point in my life when I looked with disdain on certain "types" of the poor. Standing behind someone in a grocery line who paid for the order with foodstamps or WIC, all the while talking on their iPhone and then loading those groceries up into their Mercedes. Abusers of the welfare system and a blight on our society, I never gave them a chance. I never asked to hear their story. I could barely even make eye contact for fear that they would see the scorn in my eyes. Then, last week, I got put on part-time layoff at my job. I found myself for the first time in my life needing to apply for unemployment benefits. I don't have an iPhone, but I do have an Android. We have a pretty nice car. We also receive WIC checks, and part of my family is on the free state medical insurance. It's ok. I don't tell all of this to get pity, but to be transparent and honest, and to make a point.

The reason I felt disdain towards those who I viewed as abusers of the system was because they had cool stuff. Stuff that, in my eyes, they didn't deserve. I had worked damn hard to get where I was, and here before me was a leech, someone feeding off of my tax dollars and receiving benefits they hadn't worked for and didn't deserve. Thing is, probably to most people on the outside looking in, I have now become part of the leeches. You know what's funny? All that stuff, some of which I have, and some of which I still want, it's not enough. Not even close. Sometimes, when I'm working in a particularly wealthy customer's house, I find myself wondering what I would have to do to get a job that would be able to provide the means to get all the cool stuff they had. When you really break it down, it's envy, pure and simple.

This envy mentality is at the heart of so many things in our lives today. I believe it's at the heart of the countless get rich quick pyramid schemes that turn our closest friends and family into customers to be wooed and seduced into our brilliant new business strategy that will supplement your income so that you can finally have all that glorious stuff you've been working so hard for but never been able to afford and you'll at last be happy and content with no worries. It's a big part of why we feel the need to buy guns to protect ourselves, and by ourselves I refer to all that stuff we've worked so damn hard for that by God, no criminal or psychopath or out of control tyrannical government is ever going to take away from us. It was there, just barely cloaked and under the surface of the "Occupy" movement, when thousands of people who were fed up with the injustice of our system decided to speak up and proclaim loudly, "Unfair!" This kind of behavior dates all the way back to the beginning, when the serpent told Eve that God was withholding the forbidden fruit because if she ate it her eyes would be opened and would become "like God" (Gen. 3:5). Satan presented Eve with something that God had and she did not, and she wanted it.

I know, this isn't a new thought. In theory, we all know that having more stuff won't bring us peace and happiness. Only a relationship with Christ can bring true peace; He is all we really need. How many actually live that though? Next time you find yourself ranting and raving about the injustice of the one percent, stop. Stop, and look deep. Are you really just mad because they get to have so much stuff that you can't possibly ever afford? This mentality of envy and greed has absolutely no place in the church, and yet it is there, brewing just under the surface as we check out the cars everyone else is driving or the latest phone your buddy got or that sweet new gear the guitar player is using up on stage or that new addition the church down the road is spending an obscene amount of money on. Yeah, it's there, but it shouldn't be, plain and simple.

Power and Responsibility

I have no adequate words to describe how very sad the events in Sandy Hook have made me feel. My thoughts and prayers go first to the people in that community who were so deeply affected by the shootings yesterday.

An event like this typically triggers a backlash of heated and ugly debate over gun control laws and their enforcement. I've stayed out of the fray for the most part, but I feel that I can no longer do that. Some of the thoughts that I am going to share here have actually been simmering in my heart for quite some time now. I don't want to talk specifically about gun control laws; I honestly am not sure what the best approach to take is in that arena. I do have an opinion about it, which I will share; however, I readily admit that when it comes to the laws and regulations for gun control I am no expert, and could very well be in error.

The discussion I would like to have concerns the spiritual and emotional ramifications of owning and using firearms. I've heard a plethora of people use statements like "guns don't kill people, people kill people," and refer to guns as inanimate objects or tools as justification for the right to own them.  I will be blunt and call it as I see it - that is complete bullshit. It is true that it takes a person to kill another person, and the gun is not directly responsible for that. I won't debate that. What I want to talk about, and what I think Christians need to take a closer look into, is what the reasons and emotions are that go into the ownership and use of firearms.

I've used guns. When I hold a gun in my hands, when it fires, there is a certain feeling that comes over me. It's a feeling of power and exhilaration. It can be intoxicating. In my hands I hold something that can instantly take a life. I feel bigger, invincible even. I've even noticed it when I play some of my video games. It's an exciting sensation when you manage to find that bigger gun, and consequently can take down scores of bad guys. This is why I feel referring to a gun as an inanimate object is such a foolish statement. Holding a gun, firing a gun, has an emotional affect on a person. It's possible that the effect may change slightly for different personality types, but the fact that it will have an effect is undeniable, once a person understands what that object is capable of.

That feeling of power, invincibility, even safety, is not from God. I would even go as far as to say that it's demonic. This is why, fundamentally, I will never own a gun. Do I believe that owning a gun will cause me to go on a shooting rampage? No. Do I need a gun to feel safe in my own home, to feel safe in an area of the city that I've heard many say "I'll never live there, too much crime, too dangerous,"- absolutely not. I don't want to talk statistics here. It's possible that gun advocates may be right, that an armed society is an effective crime deterrent. My question, the question that I believe the church needs to address, is in whom, or in what, do you place your trust? Why do we believe so strongly that we need to protect ourselves from the vague and unrealistic "evil forces" of this world? Did Jesus not say "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth"? Did he not emphasize weakness over strength, and tell Peter, when he fought back against Jesus' captors, that "those who live by the sword shall die by the sword"?

When my wife and I were first dating, we broke up for a little while. I found out that the reason for the breakup was that another guy was pursuing her. We lived in different states, so there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it. Every night I went to sleep fantasizing about the many different ways I would kick his ass should I ever get the opportunity. I never did get that chance, and it's probably a good thing. It's in our nature to crave justice for the wrongs we've been done. It's part of the flaw of sin that we get angry when someone hurts us. Now, put a gun in my hand, do something to make me angry, and you've increased the chances that I may make my own justice in the situation, because now I absolutely have the power to do so. Would I actually do it? Probably not. But the fact remains that the temptation is there, the power is there, and that power is intoxicating. I want nothing to do with it.

I don't know if we need to increase our gun control laws or decrease them. There are convincing arguments on both sides of the aisle. Personally, I tend to lean in the direction of more gun control. I would like to see the ownership of handguns and assault weapons completely banned. Weapons designed exclusively for the taking of human life I find to be offensive. I could be wrong. Perhaps taking away guns will only increase violence; I simply don't know. I hope that that those reading this will see that that is not my point. I believe that Christians need to take a closer look at the spiritual ramifications of gun ownership, to really be honest about the motives behind it and the emotions tied to it. I have many friends who own guns, specifically handguns, and if you are one and are reading this, please understand, I love you, and don't condemn you because of your guns. I have wrestled with this topic for some time now, and don't claim to have all the answers. I have just grown tired of the trite statements about guns not killing people. I think the issue deserves a lot more consideration and prayer than that.